The Wolves of Pancake Hills
by johnsteinbeer
Summary: Stiles is in jail; why, who or for what reason he is there, we are going to find out in this critically acclaimed Tumblr miniseries.


Stiles walked into the room. The room smelt like Stiles' house. Except it wasn't Stiles' house, it was **prison. **The room was cold. Indeed, it was as cold as the inside of a snowman in a fridge which wasn't a good environment for a snowman. Stiles' cell smelt like snow. His dad came to the prison bars; "Stiles you are in jail"

Stiles smirked and replied "I know." Sheriff looked at Stiles. "You are my son." "No I am not. I am Teen Wolf." That second, Scott walked in. To the prison. "I am Teen Wolf you are Teen Idiot." Then, with all his strength, Scott picked up Sheriff and started making pancakes on his stomach. Scott was impressed, Sheriff's stomach was the most pancake versatile he had ever seen. He looked at it like this:

Then he turned around and Stiles was gone…

Stiles was running over the hill when he saw a mountain. "I am going to climb that to prove that I am Teen Wolf"

Stiles climbed the mountain and got to the top.

"Now I am Teen Wolf" Stiles proclaimed. "Hey look there is Lydia let me mount(ain) her" and he jumped off the mountain and then landed next to Zooey Deschanel.

"Who's that dude? It's Stiles." he said before running to see Lydia.

"Lydia, it's me. Stiles." "Stiles? I don't know who you are Mr. Stillinski!"

Stiles picked Lydia up. "Let's hope Lizards can fly!"

Derek was in an elevator in a tall building. The building smelt of snow also. "Could this be a prison?" he thought to himself. "I smell strawberry blonde." Derek then broke the elevator and then left money because he was an adult and cared about the economy.

Derek jumped and saved Lydia at the last second from falling off the bridge. "You just saved me" she said. "I know." "Now I will mount Stiles and we will do it." "Ok" Derek then placed money in the vans trust association, as he broke a van during the escapade.

Stiles kissed Lydia as this was how sex started.

"Mmm that kiss was good now lets have the sex." Lydia stared at Stiles and Stiles also looked at her. "Scott is behind you Stiles" said Lydia.

"Stiles you have made me not the Teen Wolf anymore. Do you have any idea how many mountains I will have to climb now? No of course you do not because you are virgin. Me and Allison have sex all the time. Look."

"Now you must die. As it is me killing the virgins, not anyone else.** Me."**

Then Stiles shot Scott and spat on him. "Eat that you dirty wolf" and then Stiles turned into a wolf and prepared for the wolf sex with his woman Lydia. But then Sheriff walked in.

Bang bang I shot you.

Stiles was on the floor dead.

Derek entered the room and took the bullets out of Stiles' wolf chest. "These cost money, man. Do you just not understand all of this?" he said to Sheriff.

"Give them to me." Sheriff said. "What!?" Derek said. "Scott's pancakes he made with my stomach, give them here." Sheriff demnded. "They cost money, man. Do you just not understand all of this?" Derek said once again. "Maybe I should teach you about money." Derek said again. "Sounds fun, boy." Sheriff said. "Let's have a lesson now."

Then, Stiles looked in his pocket. There were pancakes with Sheriff's stomach imprinted on them. "Yum." Stileswolf said.

Isaac was having a bath but the water was too cold and he decided to get out of it like this:

"Hmm, I smell pancakes with a hint of Beacon Country Sheriff." Isaac said. He then entered his kitchen to see Stiles munching away on pancakes with Sheriff's chest imprinted on them. "Why eat my do you food" Isaac said. Stiles looked at him like he was crazy and said "I'm hungry mmm." "Too me" Isaac said…

Meanwhile, Derek was giving Sheriff his first lesson in money management.

"And this is how much bullets cost." said Derek. "Wow! I understand so much more now." Sheriff said, his fists slowly releasing as his anger disappeared. "Good now you can manage your money much better and your life will improve drastically." Derek smiled like this:

But then, Sheriff heard a feral scream. It belonged to Isaac who was saying some generic shit like he usually does. "Get me my helicopter!" screamed Sheriff. "But Sheriff, helicopter fuel costs so much money. You can't afford to-" "Shut up you, I've had enough of your wall street ways!" Sheriff threw Derek off a bridge.

"Now, time to save my son."

"I eat want to you" said Isaac. Stiles was confused as shit, what was he saying? "My food you be will!" said Isaac. "Isaac have you been on drugs?" Isaac started walking back and forth.

"Bemay." he said, not noticing the giant helicopter coming towards him. "CRASH!" said the helicopter as it smashed into Isaac "Ow" said Isaac. "You wanna hurt my son you better prepare for war" said Sheriff.

The fight went like this:

Then, after much fighting, Isaac gave in and died. But that wasn't enough for Sheriff "now you must die again." Sheriff then proceeded to throw Isaac off a bridge.

Sheriff then looked at his son, Stiles. "I miss yo-" he suddenly smelt pancakes in the air, with a hint of beacon county sheriff. His son had betrayed him. "You betrayed me son. You ate my pancakes you sick freak. And I even have a picture of you doing it":

"No dad that's not real" "Yes it is, it is." Sheriff then jumped off the building and retreated to his house. Stiles, now free from jail and able to finally mount(ain) Lydia, also lept from the building.

However, in their newly built value-for-money underwater base, Isaac met with his new master.

"We need to kill Sheriff for what he did to us."

"We yes do need to" said Isaac, unaware of Derek's true intentions.

Derek was going to the bank, as he was money conscious he obviously cared about his bank balance. He got to the bank and found Erica as the woman who takes the money out. "Erica obviously you know how much I care about the money" Derek said. "Yes." said Erica.

"How much money is in my account" said Derek. "There is none Derek you are bankrupt" "Ugh what!" said Derek. He then started eating Erica, however he could not finish and left a significant amount of her body left.

Derek decided to sell the rest of her body to help regain his money he had lost by making his value-for-money underwater base. "Only one man can help me now… Shia Labeouf"

Meanwhile, Sheriff was angry at his son for betraying his trust. "I am angry at Stiles for betraying my trust." he declared. "Maybe we can get back at Stiles together!" said a mysterious voice from across the room. "Who's there…." said Sheriff. "It's me the Kanima…. Stiles took the love of my life away from me now we can both get back at him" "Yes that sounds good" said Sheriff, believing the love of the Kanima's life to be Scott's mum as her and Stiles were now mountain-ing each other, unaware he actually meant Scott…as the kanima was now gay.

Lydia was walking in the park, when she noticed a tree. "Hey that's a nice tree" she thought. "Hey that's a nice tree" she said. Then, the tree moved. It was Henry Cavill in disguise. Lydia screamed and call for Stiles.

Meanwhile, Stiles was sniffing flowers in a different section of the park. He sniffed an evil looked flower which gave him a quick headache, when he woke up he heard Lydia screaming for him. He ran to her location.

Stiles showed up with a baseball bat and they both screamed at the tree, but then decided to get some Mexican food with him. They all split a cheese quesadilla.

When they finished, Henry said he had to go help out Lois Lane because she was his girlfriend. Stiles then introduced himself to Henry and told him Lydia was his girlfriend, but then Henry said "I know Stiles you little bitch, you already told me you idiot." Stiles then scratched his head, when he realised the plant he sniffed was an amnesia plant which gave him temporary amnesia. Stiles looked down, but Lydia comforted him and told him everything's going to be alright. Even though it wasn't going to be.

MEANWHILE; Derek was looking for Shia Labeouf, as he was in that movie about money and he could help Derek get his money back. Derek finally found his house after much searching. He broke into his bedroom and watched him sleep.

"Shia, you are awake. I need your help with my money." said Derek when Shia woke up. "OH MAN I DONT KNOW IF I CAN HELP YOU" said Shia, as he was always exaggerating. "You must." Derek said. "You must." that's when Derek heard a transformer-y noise outside Shia's window.

It was Optimus Prime who lives with Shia because Shia was also in Transformers. "Shia doesn't owe you anything little man!" said Optimus. But before he could do anything both Shia and Derek were gone.

Stiles' amnesia was starting to wear off, as he was in bed with both Scott's mum and Lydia. That's when he heard a scratching at the window. He went to investigate, but was horrified at what he saw.

It was a pug with Isaac's head. Stiles, was naturally confused. "Why was Isaac's head on a dog?" he thought to himself. Although the thought slowly faded because he had amnesia. The scratching at the window became more and more intense, before breaking through the window and into the room. Stiles protected Lydia, but the Isaac-dog escaped the house with Scott's mum in it's mouth. "What was that?" said Lydia. "I don't know what, but I know who made it." Stiles said, dramatically. "Isn't that right, Scott?" he said turning to Scott who was now chained up in Stiles' room as a zombie after the events of 01:07.

Meanwhile, Derek and his new pal Shia Labeouf were on Wall Street. Which is a street that has something to do with money as far as I know. "How do I get my money back Shia?" asked Derek. "DUDE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW I'M JUST AN ACTOR?" "That's a great idea Shia! We'll make Wall Street 2" "BUT THE MOVIE I WAS IN WAS WALL STREET 2" "Shia, please. We have a movie to make." That second, Derek felt a chill down his spine. As if a ghostly presence had just gotten closer.

He took a step back.

"hey kid I'm your uncle" Derek heard. It was Peter. "Hello Peter" said Derek. "Hey kid I'm your uncle." answered Peter. "I see." said Derek. "I see."

Peter brought Derek and Shia to his not-so-much-value-for-money floating air base. "This stuff costs money you know, do you not think at all?" "Hey kid I'm your uncle" said Peter. Derek agreed with him. That's when Derek heard a bark, it was Isaac. "Derek here are you me help turned into dog me they" said Isaac. "Who did this to you?!" screamed Derek. "Why, it was me." said a voice which sounded like a beacon county sheriff.

"Sheriff. I should've known." Derek went to attack him but Peter quickly stopped him. "Hey kid I'm your uncle" said Peter. "He's right, you know. Listen to my plan first." said Sheriff. "Your plan? More like MY plan." Derek felt a similar chill reach down his spine. "I was the one who came up with most of it you silly goose!" It was the kanima. "As long as this plan is cost-effective, I'm interested."

Meanwhile, Stiles and Scott were having a conversation about golf. "I've never played it." "Neither have I."

Stiles and Scott were repairing their relationship, as Scott wasn't the Teen Wolf anymore and it was in fact Stiles. Stiles was Teen Wolf. That's when Henry Cavill appeared with Lois Lane. "We are here to warn you of Derek's new cost-effective plan." they both said at the same time. Stiles stood up.

"Hey, I'm the Teen Wolf here. I'll sort Derek out." said Stiles. "No Stiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiles you need to make me a werewolf again because I'm the only one who knows how to reduce Derek's bank account to zero euros. Stiles thought for a second. "How are you gonna climb up a mountain?" he asked. "Leave that to me….." said Scott looking at Henry.

MEANWHILE, Derek was turning dramatically.

"What's this plan then?" Derek asked the Kanima. "WE'RE GOING TO KILL STILESWOLF AND THEN GET SCOTT BACK!" said the Kanima. "Hold on a second." said Sheriff. "I thought this was about Scott's mum… oh my god, you're in love with Scott not his mother!" "Quick shoot him!" screamed the Kanima as Sheriff jumped out the airbase's window.

"Time to save my son;

again."

Sheriff was on his way back to Stiles' new pimp house, as the events of the previous chapter left Sheriff's loyalty with Stiles now. He approached the house quickly and broke in through the window.

"Sheriff!" Stiles exclaimed. "Have you forgiven me yet?" he asked. "There's no time Stileswolf." said Sheriff, "we have to get out of here right now!" That second, Scott entered the room.

"Sheriff what are you doing here?" "I'm here to warn you! The Kanima is planning a massive attack on you for having sex with Scott's mum repeatedly!" "No freakin' way!" said Stiles, giving Lydia a very sexy look.

"WE NEED TO GO NOW." said Sheriff. "Oh but Sheriff, you don't need to go anywhere" said the Kanima. "Derek's airbase is now on top of the pimp house, there is nothing you can do to stop me." "LIKE HELL THERE IS!" said Henry Cavill, entering the room. "Scott hold onto me!" he said flying out the window and towards a mountain.

"You'll be teen wolf again in no time!"

Henry dropped Scott off at the top of the mountain. "Is this okay?" "This is great, thank you so much." "I'll stay here and protect you." "No, do not stay. Stiles needs your help." "Bu-" "DO WHAT I SAID." he screamed as Henry flew off to help Stiles.

Meanwhile, aboard the airship, Peter, Derek and Shia were all attacking Stiles' pimp house with frozen bills. "Hahahahah look at all the damage we're doing!" shouted Shia. Derek, however, was disgusted at the money being wasted. "This stuff costs money, man. Do you just not understand all of this?" Derek said, looking at Shia. "This is so awesome!" said Shia.

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR WALL STREET WAYS" proclaimed Derek, as he picked up Shia and threw him off a bridge.

"Now, you need to get away." said Derek to his uncle. "Hey kid I'm your uncle." said Peter, before jumping off the airship and returning to New York or wall street or whatever. Derek grabbed the steering wheel and plotted a course directly to Stiles' pimp house. Derek closed his eyes and prepared for his death.

"This is my redemption."

Meanwhile, Stileswolf was facing off against the Kanima. "Back off, man. I'll kick your ass so far you'll get hemorrhoids. "Snnnnnno" said the Kanima. "I am a lizard." "THEN EAT THIS!" shouted Stileswolf as he shoved tea down the Kanimas throat as everyone knows lizards are cold blooded. "Blerghhhh!" shouted the Kanima as it fell off the ceiling dying, but it then bitchslapped Lydia and gave her amnesia. "Stiles, Stiles. Come here." said Lydia as her memory started fading. "Stiles, I love you." "I love you too! And I don't want Scott's mum I just want you." "I want you too, but I can't. When you next see me, please promise me to throw me off a bridge. It'll give me my memory back and restore my love for you." "Anything for you baby" said Stiles, before kissing Lydia.

However, the poison delivered to her by the Kanima rendered Stiles' wolf powers inert. "I'm not a werewolf anymore… oh no." That's when Sheriff grabbed Stiles. "You're under arrest son, for breaching the law and stealing my pancakes boy." Stiles accepted his fate, as Lydia, with no memories suddenly woke up. "Who are you?" she said to Stiles. "Just call me Mr. Stilinski." said Stiles with a tear in his eye before being taken away.

"What the fuck." said Scott's mum.

Derek woke up in a field of rubble and money. For once, he was truly happy. Now that Stiles' pimp house was destroyed, everything was back to normal. "It's done, it's finished." said Derek, who was glad it was finished. However, he then suddenly smelt Stiles' breath in the air. "Prison, of course." he said to himself and then started running there, but not before taking all the money with him because he was money conscious.

Derek arrived in prison. "Hey, look it's Stiles." he said. "Yeah I guess so." Stiles agreed, smirking to himself. "How'd you end up in here?" Derek asked. "Well ya know, you steal a few pancakes yadda yadda." Derek laughed. "What's with all the money?" asked Stiles. "I'm actually on my way to the bank next to put this in my account. I'm bankrupt, you see." said Derek. "Well I guess the insurance check from my pimp house won't come in handy to you."

"What?" "I made the insurers give all the money to you." said Stiles. "It's my treat for saving my ass and stopping the attack." he said to Derek. "Man, I can't-" "Let's just say you owe me one, I'll let you know if I need your help." "Thanks man, I guess you do understand money." said Derek.

That second, Derek left and Scott entered. "Hey dude." "Hey man, are you Teen Wolf again now?" "Yes, I spose. Thanks for getting Superman to help out." "It's cool." "Hey, I want some pancakes. Do you?" "No I am in prison" said Stiles. Scott then left, leaving him in prison. The room smelt like Stiles' house. Except it wasn't Stiles' house, it was **prison. **The room was cold. Indeed, it was as cold as the inside of a snowman in a fridge which wasn't a good environment for a snowman. Stiles' cell smelt like snow. His dad came to the prison bars; "Stiles you are in jail"

Stiles smirked and replied "I know."

_**THE END.**_


End file.
